fears...

Honestly, i don`t know how to begin. I`ve so much on my mind that i wanted to tell you guys.....in different directions.
Hubby as usual is out. I`m supposed to tag along, like i`ve been doing these past month but this afternoon he is attending a pastor`s meeting and i decided to just stay home for a much needed bed rest. Few days ago, an excruciating pain started in my back.......like in the lower part of my spinal column. It takes a while to stand fully on my feet, kasi talagang masakit. nakakaiyak!! I`d like to think this is just "rheumatoid athritis" and nothng more. Hubby insisted that we see a doctor right away but my being not-so-friendly with a doctor  tells me i should wait until next week if the pain won`t go away.

Also, although we always praise the Lord for His provision of food, clothings and other things, these days were not easy as we often had to pay our house rent by installments, though we always managed to pay the full amount before the following month`s rent is due. I am grateful for the owner of this place we are renting who is godly ( in her own right). She understand our situation and treats us with high respect. Said we could stay here as long as we want even if it takes forever. lol. But hubby and me have finally come to a point to really consider owning a house of our own and thats`s what we are working on now. We know God wanted us to trust Him and Him alone. We know He is fully aware of our needs - in fact He knew them better than we do because He knew everything ahead of time, He makes sure we should be happy and content with each outcome. That`s how He works. We have proven by experience that He is faithful to grant every desire that we have.

Today is dark, lonesome day. Seems a heavy rain is threatening to fall, darkening the sky, hiding the sun away. Lonely and quiet, alone in this huge structure of a house.....all i hear is my heart beating. I remember the book i`ve been reading this week entitled "fighting giants". Somehow i feel that unyielding creature called "fear" is also sharing the house with me right at this instance. Creeping into my heart by a dozen different doors. suddenly it gripped me.......i mean fears. Fear of the future, of failure, of rejection, of disease, of losing a loveone, of incurable sickness...of death. Fear of poverty, fear of moving away, of war, of the dark, of being alone. That book gets into me..... and its real fear i felt in my heart right now.. I groped for God`s assuring words......and sure enough its there ready to cheer me up. Psalms chapter 27.

Lord, forgive me for being so fearful. please remind me always that you have your eyes on those sparrows, how much more you`re mindful of us. Gives me joy to know that you hold our tomorrows and our future as well. I will not fear for my life belongs to you, and the lives of those I love dearly are all in your hands!.

Well, i could be gloomy sometimes. Especially now that the rain have finally come. Its so heavy like its just in a hurry to stop and pour it all out. When it does, it will be a brighter day once more, fears gone like i wasn`t ever afraid all my life. Praise God He is our strenght when we are weak.

guys, generally i`m a happy person....being gloomy is just a small portion of me. Minsan nag-eemote din tayo di ba? So that`s my story for today.... alone in this house for only a day gives me the creeps. I`m glad i could always look forward for my loveones coming home each end of every day. They are the reasons why i always asked God to keep and let me stay alive.......until that blessed hope.
guys, what`s your story? its your turn now..... regards

love,
ate virgie