letdown feeling...

Can`t think of a suitable title for this one. I`m just not into doing anything today. Nasa festive mood pa ang pinas until today. I`m speaking about how Pacquio won his fight last Sunday. Everywhere people are still talking about it. One great big celebration for filipinos around the world. Makikita mo talaga ang pagkakaisa ng mga kababayan natin.... Pinas is very much on the globe now, you think so?

The boys are off to Malaysia today. We drive them early this morning to Manhattan ( name of an apartment in Quezon City), its there that they would join their other companions, i think about 5 of them so that makes them 7 all in all. A van will take them to the airport in Angeles City sa Pampanga. Ewan ko, bakit doon sila nakakuha ng flight? Money wise siguro, baka mas practical at mura. So they go for it. who don`t want to save kahit kaunti?

Originally, our whole family planned to tag along, as we want to be there as support to dave but as time progressed our plans just did not materialized. Ang daming dapat i-consider na mapuntahan ng pera. Yong ipapamasahe, eh pambayad na lang ng mga bills at yong iba pangbaon na lang ng dalawa. I assured them, dad and me may not be with them physically but our prayers will be with them all the way. We made another plan however to go on vacation next year, but now will start saving just for that purpose. I want to be able to have fun without feeling guilty and to enjoy some "time-out" as much as I enjoy self-sacrifice..

For over a week, we gonna miss them again... The house is so quiet when we got back this morning. I feel mildly depressed. I`m not talking of severe depression but rather the slightly-letdown feeling na parang walang enthusiasm and lack of energy. Wala namang particular reason.... Ok guys, just permit me to feel this way ha? Anyway naman, in our society women are permitted if not expected to feel "blue" or "blah". No, i`m not building this up..... just my moody "me" in the way again..

Well, well guys, so many celebrations coming up. You were just through with your thanksgiving day i supposed? There`s Christmas, New Year, our church anniversary in January and then reunion and jubilee month. wow.... we need great deal of strenght to go through all these!! I guess this holiday times are particularly likely to produce in me such feelings of low-level tensions. Its advertisements are everywhere. You can`t open a newspaper or magazine without seeing recipes for holiday foods. Wherever I turned there are reminders of the season. In every stores, malls, radio, TV, decorations in the streets, lights, beautiful lights sa lahat ng dako, christmas songs, and even in my mails. Such frantic encouragements to festivity. Truthfully, the more out of it i`m feeling. Can`t really work up my usual enthusiasm for the season. Cant help thinking about the shopping, the long line in the grocery store, the entertaining, the cooking, let alone the house cleaning. To think i`m doing all the organizing. I hate to realize that maybe this is what causes me to feel down or also feeling resentful that these burdens are upon me. Yea, the main responsibility falls on me, hello mothers! It always has, and this year`s not different from the rest. Moms, be ready..... you`re going to have a lot of extra work and a lot of organizing too.

But believe me I always feel guilty for feeling this way and not having the right spirit concerning this. I certainly would not want to spoil everything because my human side tells me to feel this way sometimes. My family looks up to me, i can`t and will not let them down.

This is my ministry. I want to fulfill God`s purpose in my life. As a mother, i want to serve, not just existing. I know God wants me to learn to love and serve others unselfishly. Being in the ministry I have discovered the meaning of my life and why i am here. It`s here that i meant to be...

Lord, just give me the strenght to survive the coming days. Joy and peace in the Holy ghost. It`s all that matters. Please continue working through me...... even in my weaknesses. When I am weak, thou art strong...

lastly, The rain has not come this week. Masarap gumala. Just now, hubby says we are going out. To see some people. I would ask him if we could pass by the Baywalk area on our way home. The air is so fresh this time of the day. It`s almost sunset. Perhaps we will sit on one of the benches by the sea just talking and feeling the air on our faces. Guys, ang sarap pa rin dito sa pilipinas. Hindi ko maiwasang maging romantic, hehehe!!!

My diet was broken. I would like to start the south beach again this coming week. Presently, i am in my after six o`clock diet. Effective din. I`ve lost some pounds. I really look forward for this to continue. I cannot have my outfit (dress for papa`s tribute service) made until i reach my ideal weight. Still lots of fats to be burned. I`m doing this slowly but surely...

i have to go. Ang tahimik ng pattslandia. See you guys around.

ate virgie